The 2026 Winter Olympics are finally upon us, and while the sports element is all well and good (I guess I…care about hockey now?), there’s a not-small percentage of us who are really only in it for the opening ceremony, which took place on Friday. The pageantry of it all was extra-ramped-up this year, with Mariah Carey, Lang Lang, Laura Pausini, Andrea Bocelli, and The White Lotus star Sabrina Impacciatore among the performers tapped to appear. And so, without further ado, find quite literally every thought I had about the 2026 Winter Olympics opening ceremony below.
- Ugh, it’s so nice and wintry in those mountains!
- Why did I move to LA?
- Oh, right.
- This intro sequence of pasta and bees and cows and such is very cute and very Italian.
- The theme of the evening is “harmony,” apparently. Sure!
- Ooh, sparkly.
- Aren’t you glad you clicked on this post in order to find such trenchant insights as “Ooh, sparkly”?
- It is sparkly, though, and very modern-dance-meets-ballet-vibes.
- All these women with silver-dyed hair are making me wonder if I should embrace my gray.
- I admittedly did not catch this Cupid and Psyche reference, because I am a philistine, so thank God for the announcers.
- Hearing “the paparazzi” in a proper Italian accent just added 10 years to my life.
- We love a La Dolce Vita reference.
- “Who eats one spaghetto? Nobody.” You said it, king.
- These giant composer heads are scaring me, and I would wager there’s at least one crying child in the audience who shares my reservations.
- Oh, hell yeah, now we’re getting into some fab Italo disco territory.
- Okay, kind of into this colorful mess we’re seeing onstage!
- Not sure about the giant espresso pots, though…
- That’s that big espresso.
- I did not have Mariah singing “Volare” on my Olympic bingo card, but I like it.
- Remind me to tell you about when I saw Mariah in Vegas and she did the entire show from a reclining position (as she should! She’s earned it!).
- Many in the Vogue slack are wondering whether this song choice is an intentional reference to The Lizzie McGuire Movie, and I am indeed among them.
- Hey, it’s the president of Italy!
- And J.D. and Usha Vance, unfortch.
- Armani suits in italian flag colors! And Vittoria Ceretti?
- For someone who used to live in Italy, you’d be shocked at how unfamiliar I am with the Italian national anthem.
- Hey, it’s Laura Pausini!
- Serving up a diamond-encrusted cold shoulder, no less!
- Okay, I hate these semi-psychedelic suits.
- Bring out Andrea Bocelli, already!
- Honestly, I did just think this Delta ad was part of the opening ceremony.
- Okay, not to bring up The Lizzie McGuire Movie yet again, but this catwalk-by-country is kind of reminding me of when Lizzie tries on a bunch of insane outfits at that Italian atelier. Anyway, happy first day of the Olympics to all who celebrate!
